What do guys really want?

Have you ever wondered why guys can look at a female that he has never met before and say that he is going to marry her? Well there is a reason behind this and its true. I think it also helps understand why men can date one or many females at the same time that are all good quality women and not commit to any of them. I hear a lot that men do not know what they want. I laugh when I hear this, because I think the opposite is true, Men know EXACTLY what they want. Women are more likely to remain single(and celibate) until they find an acceptable mate. Men however are not like this. We prefer to date and search simultaneously. We keep company until we find the one that keeps our attention. For women, this is very frustrating and often leads to a decline in self confidence, because when the man finds what he IS looking for, you are sometimes left wondering what you did wrong. So what do men want? I think I can answer that, and how can a female tell if a guy is serious? That's the next blog.

Ok, ladies…have you ever met a guy that was moderately attractive, yet very sexy? Think hard..it wasn't his looks that drew you to him, it was his swagger. It was the way he dressed, smelled, walked, smiled, laughed, or any combination of any number of things. Usually the thing that is noticed with that "swag" is how he carries himself and the confidence that he exudes. Women also have swag. I was watching a movie call "Cherry Crush" and in the movie there was a female that was described as "she makes life look easy." That statement is very deep if you take the time to think about it. Men also look for a swag in their women. We notice the way you smile, the way you carry yourself, and the confidence that you have. We want to know that when times get rough, you won't fall apart at the seams. We want to feel like we can trust you with our children. We want to know that you are sweet and caring, yet firm and strong willed. We want independent, but not feminist. Obviously this list varies from guy to guy, but its all qualities that you can see from the gate. So ladies when a guy tells you immediately he is going to marry you…maybe you should take it as a compliment to your swag, and not take out a complaint at the local police station.

How do you know if he is into you?

I think that's very simple. Let's break down what a commitment is, and what goes into upholding one. A commitment is NOT a single decision that's made which enters you into a "committed state" until there is a break up. There is no commitment contract, which keeps you committed for a specific amount of time. A commitment is a recurring question that is asked at various times throughout said commitment. It is being asked the same question constantly. What makes the commitment is answering yes to that question every time. Yes I love my mate. Yes I want to be with my mate. Yes I want "us" to work. Yes I am going to give our relationship every opportunity to succeed. Yes I understand that there will be sacrifices and I think my mate is worth every one.

With that being said, think about your current or past relationships. Find an argument that you had with your mate and think about the series of decisions that led up to the fight. At some point they thought to themselves that THIS (whatever this may be) is more important than my commitment. At that point, they are no longer committed. Holding on to someone or something because you are in a committed relationship is you fooling yourself. Actions speak louder than words, and if your decisions say that you are not in a relationship, then guess what? Riiiiiight

So how can you tell whether or not someone is committed to you? Look at the decisions that they make. If you feel like their decisions are not that of a committed person, then you need to rethink your next commitment decision. It means one of two things, either they are not committed to you, or you have a difference in views as to what is acceptable decision making. But don't get hope if it's the second one, cause that is even worse than someone who just doesn't care. It is hard to see eye to eye on a lot of things, and it brings about a lot of "compromises." I put it in quotation marks, because one person deciding not to argue to keep the peace is not a compromise, its unconditional surrender. You may see that as a decision that's best for the relationship and I guarantee the other person sees it as an opportunity to get away with more than they did before.

Who is more shallow, men or women?

You know what I have realized? Men are much more concerned about looks than women are, but women are much more concerned about appearance. Proof? When was the last time ladies, that you went out first thing in the morning, with your hair a mess, breath smelling like like you didnt even look at a toothbrush...sweats and a t-shirt and some guy tried to holla? Ok, now when was the last time you saw a guy that looked bummy and you thought about talking to him, or even honoring his request for attention? Women look at shoes, not how expensive, but how clean...clean shape up...physically taken care of, clean clothes, no stains, spots, holes and that you can buy clothes that fit.

Object of Desire, or Just an Object?

So what is the difference in being an object for sex and being an object for desire? I didnt know what to write, or who I was going to direct this towards...and I had a few unorganized thoughts. It was just something that popped into my head the other day. I think there is a fine line for a woman feeling like an object for sex and object for desire. Thing is that men have the best intentions, myself included, but don't understand the difference. Who knew that an object of desire wasnt for sex..??? What madness is this? So here is an explanation. Women are very emotional and their self-esteem is not always rock solid. WHile she may not think that she is any less beautiful, she may need to hear it, she may want to hear that she is still sexy, but not have sex. She may want to know you desire her...but not by propositioning her in between the sheets, but by
doing something sweet, saying something kind, and holding her without sex. Let her know that I desire every aspect of you, not just in a way that fulfills me. Any thoughts, observations, disagreements?

Why are men so focused on sex?

Ok, so why are men so focused on sex? Well it's a simple explanation. Let's look at both sexes...to understand you have to know what each one desires from the other. The end goal is a relationship for both sexes...we just go about it in a different way. You have to find something that separates one person from another so that you can choose someone that is special to you. What makes someone special to you?

Generally speaking, a female can assume that she can get sex from any guy that is interested in her. So she cannot use sex as a determining factor for a relationship. Instead she has to use something with more depth like conversation or personality because those are the things that set most guys apart from each other. She looks for things that mean something to her specifically, like his goals and desires, his ambitions, his drive and determinination, because those are things that unfortunately not all of us men have. It's like a female is constantly raising her standards as she gets older so that she can find Mr. Right. Once she gets to that 80%-85% compatibility rate then she is getting to that range of finding the right person for her.

Conversely, a man knows that he can get a relationship from just about any female that is interested in him, because we assume that most females would prefer to be in a relationship. So we have to find something that sets one female apart from the other, and based on my experiences, the one thing that separates one female from the next more than anything else is what she is and is not willing to do in the bed. It sounds pretty bad, but its quite true. Women generally would prefer to be in a relationship with the right guy, and they are also more focused onimproving themselves for the future than we are. So finding a woman who wants to be in a relationship isnt as hard as a female finding a man that wants to be in one. So we have to look elsewhere. Men as we get older tend to lower our standards, not to anything low, but to realistic proportions. We stop looking for that video girl (or our mother's in some cases) and we find a nice attractive female that treats us well. Thing is, as a man, all we really need is 40% compatibility and good sex. lol....
hate to say it, but its quite true. We expect only 40% cause we know for a fact that there is gonna be somethings in any relationship that we wont like, so we dont even try to look for that perfect situation, but if we can find that 40% and a freak...then we are there!!!